the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
