His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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