Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
