I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize