he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
