Just fell off a train. Bad.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's always time for handjobs
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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