I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Pooping to opera.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
