He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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