The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
this will be a night to untag.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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