he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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