Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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