Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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