You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
