my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
