I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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