so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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