I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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