Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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