The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
