we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
