There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
