Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Will exercising make me less horny?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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