Apparently you make a good broom.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
