Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
