i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
