Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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