the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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