In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
