sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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