Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The uberlube is also flammable
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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