She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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