I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
