nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
