just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
