Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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