i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
as a side note pls kill me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
