I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
