I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
