She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
