Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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