we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
