good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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