come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
