tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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