You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
