Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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