i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
