Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
