at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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