she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
