4 words: hood of his car
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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