pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
