hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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