Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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