the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
