im having a threesome with these popsicles
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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