I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
