Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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