Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You took a bar mat shot.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize