I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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