You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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