He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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