Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
