1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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