Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
