btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
