So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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