I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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